A small look, which concerns me at the time
Today, I want to share my thoughts of the past few days, weeks and months with you. Again and again, the same thoughts blow my mind and maybe I’m not the only one… 🙂
Consistently, I come to the point where I question myself personally. I know that this may be exhausting for others, because I am personally very critical of myself and at the same time very disciplined. Often, I seem to be the living bad conscience for many people. I don’t know why it’s easier for me to pull things off when having something in my mind. Maybe I’m just setting myself realistic goals? Maybe because I am generally a very realistic person? That does not mean that I’m not a dreamer. I’m just convinced that, if I really want something, I’ll somehow find a way to do it. Otherwise excuses will follow. Caught? You don’t need to feel embarrassed now, if you spontaneously come up with one or the other thing, where the excuse has fallen off your lips much easier than the resolution or way. For me, this excuses-way thing is also a pretty good compass, whether I really like or want something. Especially because I’m someone who really has to learn to say “no” to others.
Disappointments are often inevitable
My problem is, that I pretty often use myself as a gauge for others. Unfortunately, disappointments are very often hard-wired because I am something that could be described quite well with the words “too much”. At least, that’s what I’ve been told many times. Someone even accused me of having to change me because I would always offend other people. Is it really like that? Or do I just give a reason to start to question oneself? Uncomfortable self-truths are also inevitable here. Many people do not even know how to deal with themselves or what being “alone” means. They try to be distracted all the time and not at all embarrassed to question themselves.
Disappointments can cloud the mood in the short term, because when questioning yourself and your beloved ones, one or the other uncomfortable truth can come to light. Plus, I learned that disappointments actually have a positive core. Disappointments are only possible where there was deception. Therefore, a disappointment is actually something positive, because through them, we are freed from deception and see the truth. Call me esoteric or crazy, but I’m quite good at extracting something positive from the bad. 🙂
A little too much of everything
If I know that something is important to a good friend, then I am also interested in it myself. After all, my friend is important to me and his/her thoughts and feelings, too. I always try to think one step further. I’m also the crazy friend who drives over 1400 kilometers from Berlin to Garmisch-Partenkirchen in two days just to be able to go to dinner with her girls. I am the one who wants that everyone around her feels good. The one who thinks too much, questions too much, is too wild, too talkative, too self-confident, too passionate, too smart, too dreamy, too intense, too sexy, too emphatic, too cheeky, too emotional, too warm-hearted, too sporty, too generous, too funny, too crazy, too honest, too consistent, too strong, too diverse, too nice and just generally too much. I don’t like doing things by halves. Go big or go home. And I’m proud of that. I also realize that with my positive attitude, I also infect and inspire many. (Here are a few fun-facts about me 🙂 )
We have our lives in our own hands and what we make of them as well. We live in the here and now. Of course, we are always influenced by the past. But for me, in many cases this is just an excuse why you should not be able to do something. I don’t like whining. No matter if male or female. Whining has not helped anyone so far, neither, playing the pity ploy. I’m really allergic to that. There are people who are healthy, come from a good home, have a roof over their heads, eat something every day, have good friends, and, still moan. This is something really strange to me. Everyone has a bad day. But that’s not the point. I’m talking about this negative attitude. To moan, because one is too fine for one thing or the other, which could break his/her fingernail or a jag from the crown, this is TOO MUCH for ME. Probably, this person might never has really felt bad in life.
I used to bend myself to please everybody. Almost like “everybody’s darling”. But everybody’s darling is also everybody’s dork. You can never get it right. In addition, there are also people who seem to like to moan, to wallow in their self-pity and they don’t want to be taken out of their sorrow. One of my nicknames “Mother Teresa” is no coincidence. I like to help, but only to those who really appreciate it. Everything else is wasted life energy. I really had to learn that. I do not want to be pigeonholed, my dickhead would want to get out of there anyway. Plus, I’ve never been as free in my life as I am now. Free in all areas: financially, emotionally, professionally, locally. And, I’m really self-critical. But this self-criticism helps me to be self-confident. I know what I’m able of and where I need help. Of course, I cannot change the world on my own, but I can be happy in my little world and be a good example for others to make the best out of their situation.
“Everybody’s darling is everybody’s dork” – Franz-Josef Strauss
Actually, I am glad that I am exactly what I am. I am anything but perfect and not smooth-edged. But that’s fine, anyway. Sometimes, I’m over it, too warm-hearted, and too nice. This is often perceived as advances, which brings me really into fixes. I’m just the way I am to everyone. No matter if you are tall, small or if you are a cleaning man or a board member. For me, everyone is first and foremost a human being. It’s bad enough that “niceness” is so uncommon that it’s taken as a turn-on. But I also don’t want to be rude or different than I usually am, in order not to raise hopes. Sometimes, this is not that easy when you just like people.
Yes, maybe I have too high standards, I’m too passionate, I burn too much for my matters of heart and live moments too intense – but maybe that’s just a matter of opinion. Everyone has their own scale, their own moments of happiness, their own lucky charms. The problem is, most people don’t know what makes them happy. They don’t know what they are able of or who they are. What interests them, what they are passionate about, what they burn for, what they like about themselves, where their strengths are. Although, they compare themselves with others. But they forget that such comparisons are always lame. Everyone has different preconditions and we tend to show others only the finer things in life – see Instagram & Co.. Comparing oneself to the supposedly beautiful life of others can only go awry. Maybe, it’s the better alternative to make the most of your own situation?
Is it really that bad to be “too much”? No! My clear answer. We live only now, at least I cannot remember another life. 🙂
Stop worrying about things that you cannot influence anyway. Rejoice in what you have, that you are healthy, that you have the privilege of doing what you want, and if you don’t, then do something and set it as your goal. At the latest, you will see, if there are ways or excuses for it. Make the most of your individual situation. But stay true to yourself and don’t forget: Karma is a bitch! 😉
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