… and the feeling that everything is alright
Have you ever asked yourself what it means to you to “come home”? Coming home can look different for everyone. It can be a place or people, but also a feeling that arises in a certain situation and flows through your body. Home or coming home – only you can determine what that means to yourself. Here are a few thoughts from me personally…
When I arrive at Mom and Dad’s late at night, slowly open the bedroom door and see the sparkle in Mom’s eyes. Because she couldn’t fall asleep with anticipation and was waiting for me. And is just happy to see me with all her heart. Their sincere, unconditional love, support, honesty, naturalness, tradition, values, kindness, generosity, big-heartedness. Here I can be fully “me”, be weak again, lean in, be embraced, and be a child. Reaching into my jacket pocket and realizing that Mom has secretly slipped me her hard-earned money as a cleaning lady in. Here, I know that they always mean well to me. They love me unconditionally, give me strength, give more than they take, and are indescribably happy just to see me and spend time with me. Endless security, sincere, unconditional love, my tower of strength.
Friendships and relationships
Friendships, loyalty, backbone, vulnerability. Not having to wonder what you mean to others, honesty, feeling comfortable and safe. Laughing and crying tears, intimate embraces, tenderness, shared silence, nights danced through, weightlessness, forgetting, living the moment, following your heart, not having to explain yourself. Openness, criticism, mercy, goodwill, listening, contentment, my safe haven, my safety net, my shoulder to lean on. People, I can always snuggle up to, with whom I feel alive, can be unadorned and pure, who show me closeness, protection, security, appreciation, support, understanding, and tolerance. People around whom I can relax, unbutton too-tight pants, and take off bras. A safe place to give free rein to feelings and live them to the full. Similar goals, same values. Like-mindedness, profundity, soul mates.
The place where I first saw the light of day and caught my first breath. The place where my mom and dad were allowed to hold me in their hands for the very first time, where I received my name and where I lived from 1991 on, where I collected my childhood memories, where I spent my youth, where I made my first friendships for life. In the middle of nature, surrounded by breathtaking mountain ranges and infinitely clear mountain lakes. My refuge, my shelter, my birthplace.
Koprivna, former Yugoslavia, Serbian Republic of Bosnia-Herzegovina
Even though I lived there only for the first 17 months of my life, before the civil war broke out in the old Yugoslavia, I know that a large part of my being, my character, and my peculiarity originates here. The area where my parents and ancestors came from. Serenity, peace, cohesion, family. I will always be rooted here and always come back to myself on a whole different level. Being grounded, being connected to nature. This is where I feel I belong, this is where I come from, and this is where I will always be at home.
Cape Town and Tankwa Town
The Mother City. Even when I first landed in Cape Town, I had the feeling of having “arrived home” at the airport. A place I have never been before and far away from my roots, but a place I have been drawn to for years. A place where I can recharge my batteries and everything takes on its own kind of lightness. My place of strength, a place full of contrasts, full of history, full of life in all its extremes.
Similarly, Tankwa Town, the place of the Afrika Burn. Even though I didn’t know what to expect, it felt to me like coming home. A place where everyone can be exactly who they are deep down – free from any judgment, free from any shame, free from any social barriers. Surrounded by acceptance, tolerance, and goodwill. Moments of silence when calming down at each burn, moments of connection at each dance into the sunset. Strangers who become allies through a smile, through a look. To celebrate life, to become aware of our impermanence, to give life more life again. Warmth, security, goosebumps moments and pure happiness flows through my body.
Being in nature grounds me like hardly anything else. Deep breaths of fresh air in the mountains while hiking, the icy cold wetness of crystal clear mountain lakes on my skin, the first rays of sun after the long darkness, reaching mountain peaks after a long climb, the smell of lush grass, moss, and coniferous forests. The soothing sound of the sea, blood-red sunsets, the smell of the first summer rain, the play of butterflies on colourful meadows, free-living animals without cages, without possessions. Suddenly, a squirrel unexpectedly crossing my path.
Endless expanses, clear morning air, nights under breathtaking starry skies, shooting stars, fireflies. Struck by the boundless beauty of nature, small things and creatures as well as majestic forces of nature and wonders of the world. Gratitude and humility. The first signs of spring, balmy summer nights, vibrant autumn leaves, thick snowflakes, and snowed-in winter evenings in front of the fire. Here I can be “me”, no one to judge, to demand something from me. Unconstrained, being alone, simply being.
Coming home for me does not necessarily mean coming to a certain, physically existing place, but rather the feeling that flows through my body at certain moments. Rather, it is the feeling that all is well, peaceful, but also deep contentment, being ensouled. Moments that nourish my soul and heal wounds. I hope that you also have many places, people, and situations, at/with/in which you feel completely comfortable and secure. Or maybe with the help of this blog post, you will become a little more aware of how often you feel this beautiful feeling, but you are not really aware of it, and it flies away in the everyday stress. But it’s moments like these that really make us happy and give us strength. We just have to recognize them and take the time to be aware of them.
Thank you for your time!
P.S.: More topics, which should inspire you a little bit to think about, you can find *here*.