Flight delayed? Stuck in a traffic jam? A cancellation of your train? All three things do not really have much in common with serenity. Probably quite the opposite. I came up with the idea for this blog post in a very similar situation – I could not fall asleep. Sometimes I have such packed days that some things don’t show up in my head until I get to bed in the evening. If you’ve been reading my blog for some time, you’ve probably noticed that I’m a rather thoughtful person and that I’m concerned about some things above-average.
Normally I would have been annoyed in my situation lately why I coudn’t fall asleep. But this time it was different. I did not get upset about that, but even found it relieving to have time for thoughts that are coming too short in my everyday life. I also immediately noticed this new, relaxed approach to the situation. And so came the idea for this blog post, which I incidentally refined at the airport in Munich as one of my flights had a long delay. Serenity on the test! 🙂
1. Gratitude is not only a key to happiness, but also a key to more serenity!
Questioning one’s own situation and comparing it with the majority of the world’s population relativizes many of your own problems immensely. A supposed worst-case scenario quickly turns out to be an absolute luxury problem for most people in the world. We often forget in everyday life, to be grateful for the things that are now normal and natural for us. Of course there are things that make me upset, too. No question. Usually, however, the following guiding principle also applies:
If it has no value in your life in 5 years, it deserves no more than 5 minutes of your attention today.
2. Don’t let your past blackmail your present to ruin your future!
There is nothing negative that does not have something positive. Sometimes it is not obvious at first glance and only appears after days, weeks or months. Sometimes in a completely different context or we don’t recognize it at all. The worst situations have either taken me to the most important people in my life or made friendships even closer. I could wallow in self-pity with my stalking story and be full of lethargy, too. Why did this happen to me? Poor me!
– Nonsense! Some things just happen without us being able to do anything about it. Sometimes you are just a victim and there is no cosmic conspiracy against you. To accept things and not to worry too much is also one of my ways to more serenity. I can no longer influence the past, but very well my present and therefore also my future.
3. You can not force anything!
Who knows what it’s good for, that some things just do not happen that you desperately want. Sometimes it should save us from something else that could have been much worse. Or maybe it should strengthen us for the future just like: “What does not kill you makes you stronger!” Or maybe there is something much more beautiful waiting for you out there? Sometimes you just have to let things go their own way and they’ll be alright.
4. Do not be too strict and impatient with yourself!
That could actually be a recommendation from me to myself. I am a perfectionist in many situations in life and am also sure that it is precisely this high demand on myself that is a curse and a blessing at the same time.
“Blessing” because it gives me many goals that many dare not to dream. “Curse” because perfectionism and serenity do not necessarily go hand in hand. A dose of self-confidence and self-love can reduce stress and also create serenity. If you know that you have done something the best possible, it is usually completely sufficient. Therefore my tip for you:
Find the right balance between perfectionism and serenity.
5. Focus on yourself and forget what others might think of you!
As already mentioned, you can’t influence what others might think of you anyway. Also, “Everybody’s darling is everybody’s idiot.” You’ll never be able to please everyone. There are people who will always find something that will bother you.
An alleged girlfriend has recently faulted that I’m always so positive. She actually felt attacked by it. Seriously, that’s no joke! Am I really too much? It’s quite interesting how one can feel attacked by not being attacked at all. I rather consider it as a “natural selection”.
Remember: When people talk about someone, it says a lot more about themselves than about the person being talked about.
6. Say goodbye to people and things that bother you!
A very good indicator is the first feeling that stirs in you, when you see the name of a person on your mobile phone display. Are you looking forward to the news or is it more of a burden? Has this feeling lasted for a very long time? Did you already mention it? Is a person rather an energy vampire for you? Or is he/she doing you good? A friendship is always about giving and taking, out of question. But if the give-and-take no longer holds the balance over a longer time, you should ask yourself, if you shouldn’t protect yourself. At this point a little egotism is definitely appropriate – also a thing in which I still have to practice. Not for nothing one of my nicknames is “Mother Teresa“.
It is the same with things: You don’t possess your possessions, they possess you! Do you really need the 10th jeans or does it make the decision in the morning only harder, what to wear? Do you really need a big flat on your own, even if you can afford it, or can you barely keep up with the cleaning? Everyone of us knows how relieving mucking can be – whether it is the contact list or the skeletons in your closet. That also can make us more relaxed and serene.
7. Always believe in the good and smile more!
Of course, many bad things happen on this planet every day. We race at full speed towards a climatic disaster. On the one hand, people starve to death, on the other hand, they die as a result of obesity and gluttony. Yet, you don’t have the weight of everything on your shoulders. Some things just happen without you being able to do anything about it. If you aren’t in control of the situation, you should conclude with it. But if you can do something, then come out of your lethargy and stop wallowing in self-pity. A positive attitude towards life and a smile on your lips haven’t harmed anyone yet!
8. Be honest with yourself!
That’s probably one of the toughest disciplines: Honesty with yourself. Too often, we persuade ourselves into thinking something and actually know that it can’t be true. Realism and honesty to ourselves but also to others can be a great element to more serenity. Nobody can seriously be angry with an honest opinion, an honest conversation and honest words. Everyone knows how things stand and can draw the consequences from it.
9. If you have done everything, then the decision is no longer in your hands!
I don’t like playing games and, for me, this approach to interpersonal relationships is very difficult and questionable. Especially in the period of getting to know each other. It does not matter if it’s a friendship or a potential relationship. Where shall it end, if the foundation already consists of tactical moves? Honesty, authenticity and serenity are inseparable for me. And I am firmly convinced that you can and should tell someone at any time how much you like the person and how important he/she is to you. Feelings and their expressions in all possible facets make us human. They are beautiful and do not represent weakness, but rather a strength.
Of course, it takes a lot of self-overcoming to confess your feelings to your crush, but with that you put your cards face up on the table and do what is in your power. What your counterpart makes of it, is his/her own thing. If you have done everything, the decision is no longer in your hands!
Since I’m more serene, my life has noticeably decelerated. And I can’t say what the main reason was. I think that it is a combination of my general way of thinking and my attitude to topics like gratitude, happiness, etc. Especially in our fast-paced time and especially for people who want to make it all right, it is important to learn serenity and to integrate it in everyday life: Be it only a minute, in which you consciously take 10 deep breaths and close your eyes. Enjoy the moment or be consciously grateful for something.
Just realize that you can’t change some things. But you can change the way you handle them.Rosa Lazić
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