Self-Love – Do you even like yourself?
These days practicing self-love is somehow quite difficult. It is quickly mistaken for arrogance or self-conceit or even selfishness. In addition, we always compare ourselves to other people. Be it the new colleague, the well-trained trainer in the gym, or just the wannabe celebrities from social media. The problem is, however, that we usually compare ourselves with people who are supposed to be better than us.
As a result, we are dissatisfied without questioning whether the comparison may not be lame. We can not look beyond the seemingly beautiful facade that is presented to us. This can often end in self-criticism or in a false self-concept and public images. Far too often we are dealing with other people’s opinions instead of asking ourselves who we really are.
Have you ever asked yourself this before?
There are some questions that you have probably never or rarely asked yourself. But these are questions that you should ask yourself again and again in order to get to know yourself better. That’s the only way how to love yourself if you know what is adorable about you! Nobody in the whole world deserves your love and affection as much as you do. Only when you love yourself you will be able to completely love others as well. That’s why it’s so important to spend time alone. Only thus you will really get to know yourself. You and your true needs. What matters to you, what defines you and what really makes you happy.
When was the last time you deliberately took some time for yourself?
What makes you really happy?
Do you only do certain things because you think that you are good enough then?
Do you think you are only adorable when you are there for others or doing certain things?
What are your strengths? What are your weaknesses?
Is it hard for you to admit problems and mistakes to yourself?
Are you very strict with you?
Are you looking for recognition?
Are you proud of yourself?
Is it important to you that your parents are proud of you?
What do you like about you?
When did you reward yourself the last time?
Perhaps the biggest mistake I made in the past was that I believed love was about finding the right person.Neil Strauss
In reality, love is about becoming the right person. Don’t look for the person you want to spend your life with. Become the person you want to spend your life with.
Self-love is the fundament for each love
If you do not love yourself, then it will be difficult to love other people. At least in the long term. Your goal should be to love yourself more than your partner or your friends. The goal should not be to make your self-love and your self-worth dependent on how much others like you. Self-love also means being able to look at yourself in the mirror without getting caught on your own stigma. And yes, I also have them, the problematic areas that I hated for a long time. But now I have accepted them and they are a part of me.
I have limited them with sports so far that I know, the rest is no longer in my hands and that’s perfectly ok. That’s me, my skin and hair and I like myself the way I am. This body sometimes performs at its best, whether in sports, partying until the morning or weeks of lack of sleep. I think I would have played hooky a lot more often than my body. My body is my capital, my temple, my home – the only home where I will truly spend my entire life. Others make their home comfy, I, however, want to be comfy with myself. As strange as it sounds.
Self-love is not selfish
All your love builds on your love for yourself, on your self-love. Only when you consider yourself as lovable and love yourself, you will be able to carry this out. We are often so hard on ourselves. But we should often take a moment, sit back and look back at our life so far: the heartache that has made us wiser. On the sadness that has awakened us and on the suffering that has strengthened us. Despite all the rain we have never forgotten to get up and look ahead. You can and should be proud of that as well.
Self-love leads us to true emotional freedom
Of course it’s always nice to have a partner by your side, who walks with you through thick and thin. With whom one can laugh and cry, in whatever kind of relationship. But is it not much better, if you do not have to make your own happiness dependent on whether there is someone who likes you or even loves you? Only if your life is worth living without the condition of a partner or the influence of other external factors, you are really unconditionally happy.
No ifs, no buts. You are your luck and the latter comes out of you. Only thus you will be able to really love someone else. That’s when you do not love them because they love you.
You also do not marry the man or woman with whom you can imagine your future life. But you should marry the man or woman without whom you can not imagine your future life. If you have to marry at all.
Sure, it is nice to have a partner by your side who is the topping on you as a pie. But it is much nicer, if you are the hottest pie on this planet even without a topping.Rosa Lazić
Healthy self-love is neither egoistic nor arrogant
Since I have this insight, I am much more relaxed and happier. Above all, I have developed a healthy egoism that I missed a little with my Mother-Teresa syndrome. I’m always there for everyone and now I’m here for myself as well. And that’s not really selfish, it has something to do with healthy self-esteem. That’s how I learned to say “No!” more often, which was always very difficult for me because I did not want to offend anyone. Too often for too many other people, I have done things that they would probably never have done for me. I must confess that I hardly know anyone who has as many balls of steel and loyalty to friends as I do. Slowly I should have that to myself, too. In fact, I’m still in the process of learning, but I also see how liberating such a “No!” can be for myself.
Nobody can blame anyone for an honest “No!”Rosa Lazić
It is much more honest than a dishonest “Yes!”
Dare to be yourself!
In life, it often happens that we settle for less than we should. Be it for convenience or lethargy. Far too few dare to follow their dreams. To be the person they would like to be, free of social conventions. Separate yourself from people who want to keep you small or prescribe who you should be. It is your life. Do not waste it trying to make it right for other people whose opinion is unimportant anyway and who you can not influence. Live your life. Be the person you always wanted to be. And do not be stricter to yourself than you are to others.
You will always be a bit “too much” for some people, as I have already described in one of my most personal blog posts. Too warm, too loud, too soft, too passionate. You can and should always apologize for mistakes if you hurt someone unintentionally. Mistakes make us human. But do not apologize for who you are. There are people who love you for that very reason. Do your thing. Reward yourself for small milestones. Turn off your cell phone frequently and consciously take time for you and your needs. Where should you take the time from? Try not to spend any more time on people who suck your energy like vampires. You will have more time than you probably thought!
Take care of yourself!
For a long time, I’ve been wondering, if I can put into words myself, which follows now. But John Stralecky sums it perfectly up in his book “The Big Five For Life“* so that I could not do it better. One of my absolute favorite books and I can only warmly recommend it to you. Even if it does not directly target self-love, it brings you very close to the message of trusting you to live your own life. And that, too, is a kind of self-love for me:
“What if every day of our lives was cataloged? Our feelings, the people we deal with, the things we spend our time with. And if, at the end of our lives, a museum were set up that would show just that? If we spend 80 % of our time on a job that does not satisfy us, then 80 % of the museum would be filled with it. If we were kind to 90 % of the people we deal with, that would be reflected. But if we were always upset and stupid, or if 90 % of the people around us screamed, you could see that too. If we would like to be outside in nature or enjoy life with our partner, children or friends, but devote only 2 % of our lives to it, then only 2 % of our museum would be filled with it – no matter how hard we dreamed of another life.
How about going through the museum at the end of our lives? How would we feel about it? How would we feel, if we knew that the museum would show us forever and ever as we are remembered? All visitors would get to know us as how we actually were. The memory of us would not be based on the life we had dreamed of, but on how we actually lived.
And what if heaven or the afterlife, or whatever we imagine life after death, would look like we would be forever guided in our own museum?”
– John Stralecky, The Big Five for Life
Cheers to that.
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