Strong women are usually those who don’t even know it
On the occasion of International Women’s Day, I have dealt more and more with the topic of “strong women” and “being a woman” over the past few days and weeks. Not just because I feel like I’m surrounded by real power women. I have to admit that I have been infinitely blessed with women in my life. And especially here in Cape Town, I became aware of this again because I am showered with concentrated love – especially by the women at my side because there is so much love in them.
But many of us are dealing with relationship struggles – here are my thoughts on “Generation No Commitment”. Of course, I’ve talked a lot to my girls about all of these issues. And of course, I also asked myself what I appreciate about women in my life. What inspires me, and why do I look up to some of them? What makes a woman “strong” for me?
It is easy to think of being a “strong woman”. But in fact those women are usually “strong” who do not claim it. I personally look up to those women who just do their thing and don’t make a lot of fuss about it. They are there for others, even if they are not doing well themselves. They ask you how you are, even if you know that they are struggling themselves. Women who always have an ear or a shoulder for you, even if they need one themselves and are sometimes thousands of kilometers away. Who are not selfish or ruthless and sell their own grandmother.
What is a strong woman?
For me, strong women have no wannabe attitudes, but principles to which they remain true. Their motto is: live and let live. They prefer to be alone rather than surrounded by energy vampires. Strong females are more likely to be hurt than deliberately hurting others. They treat others with respect and dignity and are also authentic, warm and honest. Not to get something for it, but for their own peace of mind. Not because they expect something in return.
Strength does not mean walking around like a lioness, but rather has something to do with mental strength: how to deal with problems, challenges, yourself and your fellow human beings. No matter whether male or female.
Strong women are happy when others are successful. Because they know that we are all in the same boat and that everything is coming back in some way. Really strong women support and empower each other and don’t compete. They are happy for each other, grow together and have no need to distinguish themselves from others. Strong women are not afraid of being alone. But that doesn’t mean that they like to be alone. Sounds easier than it is!
Strong women and unconditional love
It is similar to partnerships. Lingering in a partnership or relationship or friendship that is not good for you makes no sense in the long term. Of course, factors such as comfort or fear of being alone play a big role here. Strong women prefer to be happy alone rather than in an unhappy relationship. There is a huge difference between being alone and feeling lonely.
Strong women are not alone because they think they are something better. They don’t want to “waste” their love and trust on people where their gut instinct says that it isn’t right from the start. Even if this is formulated very hard. It’s not that they don’t want their hearts to be broken or their hopes to burst like a soap bubble. Rather, they don’t want to hurt anyone. Neither themselves nor the potential partner, if they don’t see a solid foundation from the start. Plus, they don’t want to be in a relationship just to avoid being single. Nowadays women don’t have to be in a partnership to survive and be looked after.
We are one of the first generations to consciously choose someone for love. We don’t need a partner to be viable.
Rosa Lazić
Women want men by their side because they love them with every fiber of their bodies.
Not because women need them.
No matter how much the man by our side earns because we are independent. No longer women have to define themselves about their partner, his profession, or his social position. Because we know that we can do it all ourselves. Nevertheless, everything is nicer, with the right partner by your side. But many men are intimidated by intelligent and at the same time attractive women. Because they often know what they want or not. Because they can’t be taken for a fool (so easily). We also have needs and they are just as important to us as those of our partners – this is also called “self-love”. This is the best foundation for an equal partnership, which also allows many freedoms. For me, self-love is the key to true love.
Strong women are quick to intimidate
Many men need the feeling of being “needed”. However, they forget that every strong woman also needs to be loved, to be hugged and would like to have a shoulder to lean on. A relationship at eye level. A partner you love because he is exactly the way he is. Not because he financially enables them to live a life they’ve ever dreamt of. But because they love him with all his rough edges.
Not because they need him, but because they “want” him as a partner. And that’s where the chaff separates from the wheat because many things that generations of women had to swallow and endure are passé. Now women can also decide who they want to have by their side and who they don’t want. Maybe this is the beginning of “unconditional love”? The foundation for real feelings? Real feelings can also quickly become scary, as many of us are afraid to allow them. Fear of the pain that could occur at some point in a separation. We live in a throwaway society. Before we fix something that has a crack, we’d rather throw it away and buy it again. Hardly anyone bothered to compromise or “work” in a relationship. The throwaway mentality has also reached our interpersonal level.
Especially nowadays, society demands a lot from us. Also because we put ourselves under pressure and are very strict with ourselves. We need a certain hardness in everyday work. At the same time, the female softness and warmth must not be lost. We also have to be a desirable lover. The best friend, the woman for stealing horses, who doesn’t consider herself too good for anything and who is game for anything. At the same time the business lady who ambitiously pursues her own career, but still does the household chores, mostly takes care of the family and makes sure that the partner, parents, and children are doing well.
Make it last forever, friendship never ends“ – Spice Girls, Wannabe
Every strong woman doesn’t always want to have to be strong
And that is exactly the point: Every strong woman also has the need not to have to be strong all the time. Having to assert herself anytime, anywhere. To be her “man” and to be her own shoulder to lean on. Everyone has the need to be hugged and to show “weakness” sometimes, which is not a weakness. Especially in a partnership, you shouldn’t have the feeling that you have to assert yourself, but rather that you are allowed to be a “woman”. Not always having to make all decisions and being valued without first having to earn it. Not always being the one that would go through fire for everyone else. But to be the one for whom someone else would go through the fire.
This has nothing to deal with being kept by someone. Nevertheless, it is nice to be shown from time to time that you are valued. In whatever way. This can be a sincere “thank you” as well as a warm hug, time together, or a massage. This is not about material things at all.
The right balance between strength and hardness
In fact, I’ve never been able to cope with “girls”. Who conquer the hearts of men with their feminine charms, in order to sneak into a luxurious life. Without having to do anything yourself. Each to their own, but it’s not mine.
Women who man up in everyday life, tackle and rock their lives and at the same time retain the feminine warmth – they are real role models for me. But keeping this mix up is an increasingly difficult task, especially in today’s world. Then, strength becomes stressful for many women.
You can have ambition
Lyrics in Beyoncé’s song “Flawless”
but not too much.
You should aim to be successful
but not too successful.
Otherwise you will threaten the man.
Unconditional love is the key
One thing that I keep seeing in women who are strong for me is “unconditional love”. Women who do not need a partner because they can do everything themselves are probably the ones who are really able to love “unconditionally”. Then, your love and affection are not linked to factors and conditions that your partner must-have. They don’t love their partner because they need him. But because they don’t want to imagine life without him as a human being. And for me that is the pure and honest form of love. You shouldn’t have a partner by your side because you get along well with him, but because you don’t want to imagine life without him.
We want partners at our side. Partners at eye level. No matter whether in a friendship or relationship. And that doesn’t even have to do anything with gender. This is probably the same for men as for women. Personally, of course, I can only write from the female perspective. 😉
Girls, thank you for letting me have you in my life and for always being there for me.
Mama, I Love You! <3
Love is so important.
Lauryn Hill in Cro’s Song „Computiful“
A loving environment.
You know, I really to this day can’t tell you how blessed I am to know how much love…
Let me tell you, because you know,
Love is an incredible thing
and we don’t know love like we should.
We always talk about „I have unconditional love“.
Unconditional love is…
We don’t even know it.
Because if a person stops stimulating us, we stop loving them.
You’re not interesting to talk to anymore, goodbye!
But that real love, that love that sometimes is difficult,
difficult to have.
That’s that love.“
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Sources for this blogpost
Bell, R. R. 1981: Friendships of Women and Men, in: Psychology of Women Quarterly, 1981.
Hatfield, E./Sprecher, S. 1986: Measuring passionate love in intimate relationships, in: Journal of Adolescence, Vol. 9, 1986, No. 4, pp. 383-410.
Umberson, D./Montez, J. K. 2010: Social Relationships and Health: A Flashpoint for Health Policy, in: Journal of Health and Social Behavior, Vol. 51, 2010, pp. S54-S66.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3150158/
Ward, R. M./Popson, H. C./DiPaolo, D. G. 2010: Defining the Alpha Female: A Female Leadership Measure, in: Journal of Leadership & Organizational Studies, 2010.
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